Movie Review: The Simpsons Movie

Seeing as I’m a 28 year old guy with a passing interest in comedy, I probably don’t need to preface this review with a description of my lifelong reverence at the altar of The Simpsons. It’s pretty much a given. Suffice it to say that I could probably tell you the names of a good 94% of the characters in this picture and let’s move on:

The prospects for the movie seemed promising – they rounded up an all-star team of classic Simpsons writers, guys like John Swartzwelder, Al Jean, Jon Vitti, and George Meyer, who collectively defined the idea of comedy to a whole generation of kids like me.

Yet despite my love of all things Springfield, I really hadn’t been geeking out in anticipation for the movie. I’ll admit to having bought a souvenir can of Buzz Cola at one of those 7-11/Kwik-E-Mart deals, but that’s really a drop in the bucket compared to the shameful things I’ve done for Star Wars – and look how that turned out!

To my great relief, The Simpsons Movie not only exceeded my conservative expectations, but all in all is about as good as I could ever have hoped.

In both story and sensibility, the hallmarks of classic Simpsons are everywhere, proving that after 20 years, there is still plenty of life left in these characters. The plot – which involves Homer’s selfishness alienating Marge, Bart, Lisa, and Springfield at large – resembles any of about 2 dozen episodes of the show, which isn’t really a bad thing. Instead of deliberately trying to concoct an outsize Hollywood plot for a family as well-travelled as the Simpsons, the writers stick to what they do best: holding up a hilariously skewed mirror to the squallid extremes of everyday popular culture.

In recent years, the show itself has been bogged down in a parade of pointless celebrity cameos and the transformation of the brilliant secondary characters into one-line walk-ons. As far as celebs go, the movie limits itself to a theme song by Green Day, a couple of choice lines from Tom Hanks, and of course Albert Brooks, who may as well be an official cast member by now.

Which leaves the issue of the secondary cast o’ thousands, one of the things which made The Simpsons so damn great in the first place.

The complaint I’ve heard – and I can understand – is “Not enough _______,” be it Moe, Skinner, or Krusty the Klown. I certainly wouldn’t have said no to a few more scenes with Mr. Burns, but it’s hard to fault the writers for making the movie so heavily Simpsons-centric. To do justice to all of the secondary characters would have required a 5 hour epic – which, of course, I’d have been all over. But that’s what sequels are for – the family Simpson has waited two decades to make it to the big screen, so its only fitting that they are front and center throughout.

So yep, aside from a few brilliant nudges at the PG-13 envelope – tell me you haven’t been waiting for years to hear Marge Simpson swear! – there really isn’t much different between The Simpsons Movie and The Simpsons, and I can’t imagine wanting it any other way. As any true fan knows, the best part of the show is re-watching an episode until you have every joke memorized – I’m sure it will be the same for the movie, too.

So yeah…someone buy me an illegal DVD!

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On the Road: Video Fun!

Loyal Trawfriends, I know its been a little quiet on the TrawEast front so far. It ain’t that I don’t love ya, cause I do – even those of you who are kind of ugly and smell like a Frenchman’s armpit. If I had my druthers, I’d be lounging around all day looking for fun things to share with you. Unfortunately, fate, in the form of my job, has conspired against us.

As a temporary salve to your Mattraw woes (and mine!), howzabout we do what we can to combine the worlds of Good (this blog) and Evil (this job).

Presenting a troika of road-themed videos by folks whose tunes come from or through my office:

Jarvis Cocker – Don’t Let Him Waste Your Time

If you were cool in the mid-90s, or had a sibling who was, you may remember Jarvy-baby from his days fronting Pulp, a Brit band who languished in obscurity/suckitude during the late 80s, then suddenly became big when Oasis and Blur blew up. Like Suede, they were a lot bigger in the UK than here, but unlike Suede, I still like most of their stuff.

Anywayz, this song is from his recent solo record on Rough Trade, and the video is pretty amusing. Fun!

Bat for Lashes – What’s a Girl to Do?

Bat for Lashes, like Nine Inch Nails or (smog) is one of those weird deals where a single person decides to give themselves a band name. In this case, its UK hottie Natasha Khan, who is sort of like what you’d get if Devendra Banhart and Bjork had a kid.

Again, single-take road videos are de rigueur it seems. As are crazy looking Donnie Darko-esque animal heads and BMX biking. Neat!

Liars – Plaster Casts of Everything

Liars are one of the few good things to ever come out of the dance-punk “scene” of the early 00s. Mostly because, after ruling the shit out of the scene with “Mr. You’re on Fire Mr.” they moved to Berlin and started recording bizarro concept albums about witchcraft and anthropomorphized drums, hilariously confusing online hipster rags like Pitchfork as to whether they were still “cool.”

Liars are a crazy fucking band, and this is a batshit crazy fucking video. Its like all the weird parts of Lost Highway set to music. Horrifying!

Happy Friday! It’s Time to Get Wet…

I’m off to San Diego’s legendary Comic Con this weekend. Can’t wait for that craziness! Or to spend that hundreds of dollars that I don’t have on picture books and action figures. I’ll make sure to let you know how it all goes.

Anyway, enjoy your weekend, everybody. I’ll be geeking out and having more fun than the rest of you.

But here. You take this.

Thanks to Traw-Friend The Lamb for that one. Heeeeeeeeeelarious.

Death Cat for Oldies

I have some insight into death. It’s about the Grim Reaper.

And the Grim Reaper is a lot cuter than you think.

According to the Daily Mail (UK), “Oscar the cat seems to have an uncanny knack for predicting when nursing home patients are going to die, by curling up next to them during their final hours.”

Believe it.

Now, most of you are like “it’s a cat… in a nursing home… of course it’s going to curl up with dying people.” But check this shit out. According to the article, the cat is pretty aloof most of the time and not particularly friendly. Unless you’re about to die. Then, about 4 hours from your point of departure, fluffy little Oscar comes on over to you and curls right up.

Bottom line, you see this little bastard coming, you press that “nurse call” button and start screaming. Because you’re about to eat it.

It’s the cutest goodbye you could get.

Read the full article here

I smell an M. Night Shyamalan movie…

Oh Lindsay, Just Wash Up Already…

Hey, everyone stop what you’re doing and worry about this:

Lindsay Lohan got arrested!!!

Doctors, stop performing surgery and turn on E! Teachers, let loose the hellions of summer school and sit down with a nice cool glass of iced tea and watch Access Hollywood. Research scientists… stop acting like you’re going to cure cancer and turn your focus to the cancer of our culture.

ACT I

Scene 1

Lindsay is seated in a police interrogation room. She stares blankly at the ceiling, occasionally ripping off a hardy snort. Her eyes are bloodshot, her tits are hanging out and she’s freckled to Bejesus.

Enter Detectives Rittmeyer and O’Malley.

O’Malley. Miss Lohan, do you understand why you were arrested this morning?

Lindsay. (sniffling) I understand PERFECTLY well. Perfect. Perfect. Perfect! It’s because you’re JEALOUS of me.

Rittmeyer. Uh, Miss Lohan, Officer Mancuso found approximately 3 grams of cocaine in your pocket. That is a felony.

Lindsay. GET OFF MY 8, BITCH!  I’d like to add that that is not mine.  Tarin’s mom tried to hit me.  Cocaine was in my pocket?

Rittmeyer. Excuse me?

O’Malley. Let me handle this, Tom. (turns to Lindsay) Miss Lohan? Miss Lohan, do you understand the charges against you?

Lindsay. Damn, so numb. My gums. So numb.

Rittmeyer. Would you like some coffee or something?

O’Malley. Fuck it, Rittmeyer. Princess can wait. Miss Lohan, do you recognize the seri–

Lindsay. (interrupting) LOOK! I like to go driving, right? I go driving in MY CAR THAT I OWN. That is MY CAR. Sometimes when I drive, I stop at Jack ‘n the Box, but I always drivethru it because I don’t want poor people touching me and whenever poor people see me, they touch me. It’s just like some thing that poor people have to do to me. I’m an actress.

O’Malley. So we’re told…

Lindsay. I Know Who Killed Me. Me me mEEEEEEE!

O’Malley. I’m pretty sure I know who is going to kill you, too.

Lindsay. So, can I like go now?

Rittmeyer. Yeah, maybe we should just let her go, Mike. I mean, she looks sorry. Plus, if you stand here, you can look into her open shirt and see her nipples.

O’Malley. Dammit Tom, shut the fuck up. (back to Lindsay) Miss Lohan, you’re charged with two felony narcotics counts. If you were black, poor, Mexican, ugly or any combination of those, you’d already be in jail.

Lindsay. Thank god I’m me. Now seriously, unbuckle those trousers, detectives. I’ll suck my way home if I have to.

Rittmeyer promptly drops his drawers.

O’Malley. Oh for fuck’s sake. I’m going to get the captain. Rittmeyer, try and finish up before I get back. (to Lindsay) And you. Yeah you. Coke whore. You keep a high public profile. And you can’t fucking drive. If it wouldn’t cost me my badge, I’d throw you into the tank with the rest of the coke skanks. You could probably teach them a thing or two.

Lindsay. (her words are muffled by Rittmeyer’s junk) Rrrraaahhh. ooooo kkkkk.

Lights go down. Exeunt.

Get the Most Bang for Your Next $50

Yeah yeah, I know what MANY of you are thinking, but it’s not that.

I went to Target yesterday because I needed a nice executive office chair for my desk. Of course, I got sucked into the DVD section. This is becoming a problem for me because every time I wander in the digital stacks, I end up coming home with 3 or so DVDs. Last time, it was Fistful of Dollars, V for Vendetta and some animated Hellboy movie that was largely disappointing. But the gods smiled even more brightly on this trip.

Have you seen those weird “Double Feature” DVD sets they sell these days? You know… you can pay one low price for Days of Thunder and Top Gun or 13 Going on 30 and Now & Then. Well, I got suckered into one because for $9.44, I could buy both Raising Arizona and Fargo. They got me. That was my first ten bucks.

Then I got it in my head that it was high time I bought the Die Hard trilogy. Three movies chock full of mayhem and hilarity… only $19.99! How could I say no? I didn’t. So in the cart it went. (Incidentally, did you know that Die Hard and Die Hard 2 are based on novels by Roderick Thorpe and Walter Wager, respectively? How did this escape my attention? John McClane is a literary character??? Mind blowing!)

Total cost so far: $29.43

I noticed a Predator box set — Predator, Predator 2 and Alien vs. Predator. I paused for a moment, thinking “well, I do LOVE Predator.” Then I thought “but I don’t like Predator 2. And I’ll never be able to bring myself to watch A.V.P. knowing the hackery that went into its production.”

That’s when I saw it. The coup de grace. The piece de la resistance. The entire battery of French cliches.

Now, this collection contains 3 films. I’m no Arnie nut, but there are a few of his movies that I will watch pretty much anytime. Those movies are Commando and Predator. And they are both in this set. Topped off with True Lies (Tom Arnold’s most hilarious role ever), this is the ULTIMATE “Sure, I’ll watch that” set of Schwarzenegger DVDs known to man.

Price: $14.99

Bringing our grand total for 8 DVDs to… $44.42. Average cost per DVD? A paltry $5.55ish.

I know many of you are thinking “What? No Running Man? No Total Recall?” Fair enough. But if I can watch both Predator AND Commando, I have no need for anything else Ahnuld.

Except Last Action Hero.

And The Eraser.

They should release another one of these collections with Last Action Hero, The Eraser and The 6th Day. I bet they’d sell zero.

The Best Movie Teaser Ever?

I’ve been agonizing over posting this. Doing so makes me feel like a little cog in some brilliant Hollywood marketing machine. But I can’t help it. I even just watched it again just to make sure I still like it. And I do.

So I now present to you what may be the most effect movie teaser I’ve ever seen.

God damn. I want to see that movie. Even though I’m typically all about ruining it for myself, I’m not doing it just this once. If you’re curious, it’s typically found on the internet under one of three titles: “The Untitled J.J. Abrams Project” (ever heard of that overrated ABC hit “Lost”?); “Cloverfield”; and “1-18-08″ (the film’s release date).

I would like to note that this film was created, directed, written and produced by a bunch veterans of TV shows I don’t like. This movie better not suck.

My Wacky Subconscious Mind Would Like a Moment of Your Time

I’m a dreamer. What can I say.

Literally. I remember almost all of my dreams. If you don’t, that sucks, and you should try to fix that. Maybe do some yoga before bed… or eat more psychedelic mushrooms in the afternoon.

Problem is, sometimes my dreams are all loopy and for days — even weeks — after I have them, I can’t shake them. Other times, I’ll forget them that day, but weeks, months or years later it’ll flood back to me while I’m just going about my normal life. Nothing is stranger than standing in line, waiting for your sandwich and suddenly being completely overwhelmed by the imagery of canoing down an endless river deep in the Canadian wilderness, singing hymnals with your best friend from grade school while the watergrasses reach up and ensnare your paddle.

Anywho, I had one of the former dreams last week and I still can’t stop mulling it over. I was in New York, hiding out in a warehouse on the Brooklyn side of the East River. I’d holed up there with about 5 other people because IT WAS THE APOCALYPSE. Or something. Everyone was fleeing New York. Flights were taking off continuously. And as I peered out of the warehouse, I looked at the Manhattan skyline and beheld thousands of airplanes taking off directly over the city. It was something like this.

Then, I looked to the south, where stood an impressive obelisk. Two giant statues hewed and hacked at it’s base with large swords. I was mesmerized… until I saw some sort of bad dude heading our way with a gun. I told everyone to hide, grabbed a piano leg that was laying around, and crouched just inside the door. There was a knock then. The door opened and the bad dude peered in. I hammered him in the face with the piano leg. He stood there, blinked and shook his head. Then he drew his weapon and I smashed him in the face again. This time he teetered for a moment, then came crashing to the ground. And I got a gun!

So it goes from there. More violence with fire axes and automatic weapons. But the point to this was that friggin’ image of the jets taking off over NYC. Burned into my skull. I think it means Los Angeles was my manifest destiny.

This wasn’t funny.

Oh well. Welcome to my brain.

Monday = Time for Fake David Blaine

Did anyone else get as friggin’ trashed as I did this weekend? The ghost of Bob Seger himself was with me on Friday’s Hollywood night. Rollergirls, nipples, Thai food and an excessive amount of vodka to hold it all together. Hold it all together, that is, until it tore me all apart.

Anywho, because I care about you, I want you to start off the week on the right foot. So here’s your Monday morning funny.

I don’t think anyone has captured the true essence of David Blaine like the dudes over at www.thisjustin.com

Also, I like the name.