Thank the maker! Our national fascination with the allegedly intelligent, nominal attractive winners of beauty pageants has returned. And Donald Trump couldn’t be happier. (Consider that your support of Miss USA lines that man’s pockets. Just consider.)
This also works out well for the enterprising twerp who is currently blackmailing Miss New Jersey.
According to a reliable published report at Newsday.com, Ms. Amy Polumbo is being threatened by an anonymous blackmailer to step down as the Queen of New Jersey. What’s he got over her? ALLEGEDLY, pictures. That he/she downloaded. From Facebook.
Groan.
Look, unless these pictures are of her getting a swastika tattooed on her ass as she feasts on the fresh blood of a newborn infant while taking double the penetration in half the holes, who cares?
I mean, we’re talking about New Jersey – a state known for it’s flexible scruples and environmental oversights. Everyone is a little more desensitized if they’re from Jersey. They grow up playing with mob kids, for chrissake. Secondly, have you seen any recentcelebrity sex videos? Just about the only thing that could phase me anymore would be Oprah guest appearing on Max Hardcore.
Also, doesn’t it seem pretty obvious that the blackmailer may be somehow attached to the FIRST RUNNER UP? Makes sense, right? Almost too much sense. Amy steps down, First Runner Up takes over the crown. Well, I’m sure the New Jersey State Attorney’s Office will have a ball with this, probably overlooking my angle ENTIRELY.
Anyway, I promised I wouldn’t do this, but I have the picture that Miss New Jersey is trying to hide. And I’m going to show it to you. Not because I want her to step down. Not because I don’t like her. Just because bloggers are journalists, too. Behold:
That’s her in front on the right. It’s how this sicko gets her “full, glowing tan.”
“Only the flames of orphan flesh will do!” she remarked on her Facebook page.
So there you have it. Oh, and by the way: New Jersey, who is this run-of-the-mill, 1995 Sears model? She can’t be tops in the state. I personally know at least a dozen women from New Jersey who are more attractive.
Matt, care to weigh in on this? You live there, after all …
July 10, 2007 at 8:50 pm
Here’s a quote from the runner-up, the suspiciously named Ronica Licciardello:
“I read this thing that says you know, I have been contacted by the police and I thought when did that happen because I wasn’t. It has been interesting,” said Licciardello.
Verdict: GUILTY!
Seriously, though, I think this contest must have been decided based on name alone, because it doesn’t get much more Jersey than Amy Palumbo and Ronica Licciardello.
July 11, 2007 at 5:58 pm
Ronica is the craziest fake-sounding name since Jezebel. Mayhaps there was a typo on the birth certificate and they said: Fuck it, we’ll all have to live with Ronica.
July 16, 2007 at 7:45 pm
I was waiting and waiting for the Miss New Jersey SCANDAL! update… She did not burn down an orphanage or blow Chuck Schumer on film. She got drunk and took some semi-slutty pictures with some guy biting her (clothed) boob. BO-ring. I do more scandalous things on Sunday afternoon. When I get my implants and run for Miss New Jersey, I’ll show these pussies what dirty pictures are. I will also change my name to Trawshequa.
July 16, 2007 at 10:22 pm
An update was hardly warranted by the content of those pictures. They were just so lame and she didn’t do ANYTHING entertaining in any of her interviews. Although Bill O’Reilly’s interrogation of her is pretty entertaining. At least the first part where he implores her as to just what the content of those photos is.
(note: I don’t know where it goes from there because, as you can imagine, I have a incredibly difficult time watching Bill O’Reilly for longer than 60 seconds)
But here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nLYCINj82cg
Any, Illustrious Christy, what are you doing this Sunday and can you make it in LA?
March 17, 2008 at 4:39 pm
Why are you calling Amy a sicko? After reading your sick jounral entry about her, it seems like you are the sicko. Amy is a very nice girl who did not deserve what she had (and still is) going through. She is changing her name after her reign is over- because of sick, ignorant people like you. Also, this is for Christy: Amy does not have fake boobs. In fact, she has never had plastic surgery. She won Miss NJ- on her very first time competing in a pageant ever- by just being herself- she is a good person and I don’t understand how someone could do this to her and then people like you continue to laugh at it like it is one big joke. You are all sickos.
March 17, 2008 at 4:41 pm
ALSO, DONALD TRUMP IS IN CHARGE OF MISS USA, NOT MISS AMERICA YOU DUMBASS!!!! Why don’t you research next time before you jump to conclusions. Amy is Miss NJ in the Miss America system.
You are a horrible journalist.
March 25, 2008 at 3:58 pm
ummm Amy has never had breast implants or any type of plastic surgery. She is fine the way she is. That’s how she won on her very 1st try, by just being Amy and not putting on a facade.
April 16, 2008 at 2:17 pm
wow john, you seem bored to repeatedly visit a defunct blog that no one reads to stand up for someone who wasn’t being made fun of to begin with. clearly you’re don’t understand satire.
as for calling me a “horrible journalist”… thanks! it’s the first time anyone has ever called me that.
in conclusion, you’re an idiot. but i’m sure you and amy will be very happy together.
April 18, 2008 at 8:31 pm
A Traw awakens from a deep blogging sleep to squish the feeble and boring posts of a rando fool.
point: traws.