Bow to our Economic Equals to the North

Well, I hope you’re happy, America. After an administration’s worth of economic “things are juuuuuuuuuuuuust fine; let’s pour more money into wreckin’ Iraq” policy, a terrible inevitability has finally caught up with us.

The Canadian Dollar is equal in value to our own.

According to the number-crunching, finance freaks over at Bloomberg.com, “the Canadian dollar rose as high as $1.0008, before retreating to 99.87 U.S. cents at 4:16 p.m. in New York.” Apparently its the first time such a thing has occurred in 30 years, sparked by a 5 year surge in the Canadian economy, backed by a high demand for Canadian goods. Check out the full details — and it’s Bloomberg, so they have them — by clicking here.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I love Canada, but I have a myriad of problems with this whole thing. And it’s been creeping up on us for a couple of years now, unnoticed in the national consciousness (unless you live above the 43rd Parallel). Where to begin? Where to begin!

1. Their dollar is a fucking coin with a bird on it.

Which means this

now beats this

in everyone’s favorite childhood game: Loonie, Greenback, Pecos

And let me tell you, I will not STAND for a day when that filthy Pecos overtakes my boy with the wooden teeth. GW always used to be the sure thing. Now thanks to NAFTA and this, there’s no sure things left! Thank goodness for good ol’ rock in Rock, Paper, Scissors. Nothin’ beats rock.

2. I remember the good old days when my folks and I used to travel to Canada, as it was only 20 minutes away from my hometown, and spend ourselves retarded. It was so easy! Back in the day, $1US got you about $1.40CN. Maybe more on a good day. Imagine that! $20 becomes almost $30! They might as well have been GIVING shit away.

The best was gambling. Losing was like losing Monopoly money; we all had a good time and laughed our way home no matter what the outcome.

3. And I quote from the Bloomberg article:

“It’s a long time since those heady days,” said Frank McKenna, 59, deputy chairman of Toronto-Dominion Bank, the country’s third-biggest lender, and a former ambassador to the U.S. “Canadians should understand that this is a badge of confidence in our country.”

Congratulations, Canada, on your shiny new badge. America, ours is a badge of economic SHAME.

4. Part of me wonders what Canadian products are so great that their economy is cranking at such a head of steam. Well, thanks to the internet, the answers are but a click away! (More from Bloomberg.com)

Canada, the world’s eighth-biggest economy, has benefited from rising demand for copper, gold, wheat and oil from neighboring U.S. and emerging economies such as India and China. The country is the world’s largest producer of uranium, the second-biggest exporter of natural gas, and sits on the largest pool of oil reserves outside the Middle East. Canada is also the world’s second-largest exporter of wheat, which rose to a record this month.

Copper, gold, wheat, oil, India, China, Middle East, Oil, wheat?

Bring the boys home, Bush. We’ve got a much more serious goldmine terrorist threat to the north. Name o’ Canada.

Oh, and lastly, don’t buy Canadian maple syrup. Support your Vermont, New York and New Hampshire syrup kingpins. Remember: $30 a gallon ISN’T too much.

Traw Sighting! Roller Derby Style…

Yeah, it’s been awhile.  I have my doubts that anyone is still reading this.  But fuck it, the Traws soldier on.

This Traw sighting was truly something to be hold.  This I know, because I beheld it.

Last weekend, the Angel City Derby Girls held an intra-team bout featuring the Block Steady Crew vs. the Berserkers.  My team, Block Steady, came out on top and tons of fun was had.  But the real fun about the whole thing was the Traw that was reffing the bout.

That dude looks enough like me to freak me out.  In fact, when I got out of my car, he was crossing the parking lot and we shared glances.  He did a hard double-take, equally bewildered at the appearance of his doppleganger.  My camera was busto, however.  Luckily, official Traw Photographer and all-around smoke show Becca McHugh was also in attendance with her trusty digital photomatrix and snapped this pic.   He kept glancing over at me during the bout, as if he was trying to unravel what was a seeming out of body experience (or OBE for you new agers).

Anyway, here’s to you Trawferee.  May your whistle blow clean and loud.