Happy Friday

Beeeeeeeeeyatch!

Ohhhhhh. Kaaaaaay….

I’m sitting here trying my Blogger’s Best to think of something insightful to say about this, but all I have come up with so far is: “Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhm?”

I can’t even say that this has rocketed to the top of my Must-See list, because, well…

Aaaand, because good things come in threes, one last sign that Hollywood has never heard of the word “unfilmable”

Cheers!

David Duchovny, You’ve Done it Again

It finally happened: I found the perfect premium cable show for me!

Sure, The Sopranos and Weeds and blah blah blah. Entertaining, sure, but never like this. Behold the wonder that is Californication. (And I’m talking about the show here, not that annoying Red Hot Chili Peppers album/song.)

Last night, a friend and I started watching the pilot at 2am. Well, go figure that by 4am we’d watched the first 5 episodes of this series and loved pretty much every minute of it. It features David Duchovny as Hank Moody, a writer and New York expat (sounds familiar…) whose creativity and family life has crashed and burned since moving to the Southland. This guy is everything I’ve ever dreamed of being: a washed up writer, a ceaseless Lothario, a consummate smartass and defiant as the day is long. Did I mention brutally acerbic? Overall, he’s like a cross between Hugh Laurie’s House, Mystery from The Pick Up Artist and Charles Bukowski.

Moody does some sketchy stuff, occasionally unwittingly. (For example, turns out the chick to his left is not only 16, but the daughter of his ex-girlfriend’s new fiancee — and yes, he slept with her. Whoops. The plotting is brilliant, as this chick is a recurring character, representing something of an anvil ever-dangling over Hank’s head.) But the guy isn’t evil or morally bankrupt. He’s just broken and, as he points out in the show, “drowning in a sea of pointless pussy.” Moody’s life is pretty much in shambles and he’s trying to piece it back together. In the meantime, booze and broads, work as a blogger, punching people and more broads.

Duchovny’s comedic gifts are let out to play in this series. Gone is that overly serious and funless tone of his most well-known character: The X-Files’ Fox Mulder. The scripts by creator and Executive Producer Tom Kapinos are sharp and poignant. Sometimes, amidst the decadence and delirium of it all, he quietly sneaks in important reflections on the nature of love, creativity and parenting. And those reflections really do mean something.

I’m pretty sure this whole series started as a masturbatory exercise for Kapinos, whose only prior credit is some work on Dawson’s Creek (OK…). The comparison to Bukowski isn’t a minor one; there’s a lot of it in this script. However, it’s a thoroughly 21st century take on that womanizing old curmudgeon. Amplified by the great core of actors next to Duchovny, Californication is an entertaining and effective show. Natascha McElhone (who some of you may know as “the chick from Ronin“) does a spledid job of playing Moody’s ex. Evan Handler is pretty hilarious as Hank’s agent. Plus, they show a lot of boobs and that’s never a bad thing.

Kudos also to Tree Adams for his tasty original score… and to the rest of the music department for using established pieces so effectively.

Anyway, you should give this show a whirl. The opening scene of the pilot — Moody dreams about a nun giving him a blow job, then must make a hilarious escape from his one-night-stand’s bed as her boyfriend rolls in — lets you know exactly what you’re in for. Those in possession of more delicate scruples will be unimpressed and likely repulsed. But for all those misanthropic writer types who equally romanticize sleeping with hot women every night and pining away for that one ex-lover… well, your show has arrived.

Teachers Just Don’t Understand (When it Comes to Mega Man)

In this week’s edition of “PUNISH THE CHILDREN FOR BEING CHILDREN” a young boy in Oregon faces suspension for a stick figure drawing. Take a look at his most hideous and violent crime.

This, according to school officials, is a portrayal of one person shooting another person in the head with a gun.

According to Ryan Weathers, the 6-year old artist who faces school suspension of this drawing, it’s “a wepwesentation of how Amewican vallews of democwacy wiw never take hold in a Muzwim nation.”

But all kidding aside, it looks to me like Mega Man. Large arm cannon. Vacant robotic eyes. You know, if school officials would just spend a little more time watching television and not being narcs, we wouldn’t have problems like this.

I remember when I was in school. I drew and wrote a lot more fucked up shit than that. And there is no doubt in my mind the materials confiscated from me between 6th and 10th grades would have had me expelled as a potential school shooter. My folder of “poetry?” Just all rewritten versions of Nick Cave’s “Murder Ballads” made applicable to people in my school. I would have been SO kicked out. Luckily, there was some kid who wore a trenchcoat around all the time. He received most of the “potential killer” publicity.

Anywho, if you want to know why a 1st grader is being suspended for the above picture, check out the Mail Tribune’s (Oregon) take on it here. And for the love of christ, feel further shame for the system we refer to as “education.”

Movie Review: Beowulf

For many a year I’ve longed for a blockbuster version of the old English epic Beowulf. I can’t explain why other than the sheer appeal of the title character himself — a broad, brutal Geat known to slay just about any enemy be it man or monster. A film clearly can’t capture the poetry of the piece (particularly Seamus Heaney’s semi-recent adaptation), so I knew that wasn’t the true appeal. In the meantime, a couple of Beowulf movies came and went: The 13th Warrior, Beowulf & Grendel (starring Gerard Butler in what seems like an audition reel for 300) and, of course, Christopher Lambert’s sci-fi schlock version also called Beowulf. Really, it was getting to the point that I was about to write the damn script myself.

Then, of course, they went out and got some dudes named Roger Avary (Silent Hill, The Rules of Attraction, story work on Pulp Fiction) and Neil Gaiman (of Sandman comic fame, novels and more) and that settled that. I still have a pretty dope idea inspired by Beowulf, but y’all will just have to wait for that. (It’ll be in theaters around 2012, I reckon; if the world hasn’t managed to tear itself apart by then.)

Anyway, the real gimmick here, as most of you know, isn’t the fancy schmancy writing or the source material… or even Bob Zemeckis’ first film since 2004’s ho-hum The Polar Express. The real gimmick is the insane computer animation and motion capture technology used to create this beast. And the 3D cinema experience that results from it. It looks something like this:

Yeah… doesn’t really do it justice, but whatevs. You get the point.

So, succinctly (too late), I’ve been balls out psyched for this movie for a long time. Not for the same reasons as most, I’d expect, but again I digress. The feeling in the IMAX theater where I saw the show was palpable. Once the 3D started rolling and the audience members donned their glasses, there was a buzz in the air. Would this blow our minds? Would we witness the future of cinema experience? How many limbs would fall and how hot would the nakedly animated Angelina Jolie play? Would we, ourselves, survive this experience?

Well, I made it out alive.

Beowulf is a great movie going experience — which, I’ll acknowledge, is entirely different from saying “it’s a great movie.” It’s a good movie. (“Good” for me ranks between “decent” and “great”… “great” precedes “excellent” and that’s the scale. Beneath “decent” is an array of colorful terms meaning “don’t bother.”) The animation really is gorgeous at many points and, for the most part, the characters truly pop with life and color. Which isn’t to say they’ve magically solved the old “dead eyes” conundrum that you’ve probably been reading about in other reviews. (Personally, I thought they came a long way with the eyes in this animation… it was the mouths that left something to be desired. “Dead mouth?”) The script holds its own, showing some sly humor at points and attempting to illuminate us at others. Themes of heroism, vanity and temptation are ever present — always being played at but rarely crossing the line into “oh come on, we get it.”

Beowulf’s story is not 100% genuine to its source material, which isn’t a terrible thing. Consider the problems of translating fiction into film. Now consider translating a 6th century poem, originally written in English before English was English. Gaiman and Avary reinvent portions of the poem to fit their own ends for the screenplay — and for the most part it works. They turned it into workable blockbuster screenplay: smart enough to placate literate moviegoers and watered down enough to follow for the less well-read. And the dialogue holds it all together, making the characters sound believable in their words and acceptable in their actions.

I know, I know. You want to know “WHAT OF THE 3D AND CGI, YOU FOOL!”

Honestly, I liked it and it’s better than some of what you’re reading elsewhere. Then again, I love those parts of video games where they show prolonged sequences of expository animation. It’s sort of like that. Only for 2 hours. And in 3D. Which does look good, by the way, and makes watching the movie a hell of a lot of fun. My main gripe with the rendering is Robin Wright Penn. She, out of all the actors, looks by far the most wooden and lifeless. Then again, worse has been said about her acting career, so maybe that’s that. Angelina Jolie, on the other hand, looks UNBELIEVABLY lifelike. Which might speak to her realworld appearance — too beautiful and manufactured. Plus, the monster design for Grendel is a lot better than the promotional materials have led on. He’s creepy as hell, but truly a joy (in some sick way) to examine as he crashes around, slimy and grotesque as he is.

Acting wise, we’re in good shape. Ray Winstone (The Proposition, The Departed), perhaps an odd choice to some for the role of Beowulf, pulls it off with terrific aplomb. Anthony Hopkins seems to have great fun in his role as the fat king Hrothgar. Crispin Glover shines through the vile CGI shell of Grendel, proving once again he’s the weirdest guy to ever have maintained a 20 year acting career. Angelina Jolie is pitch perfect as his demon mother. John Malkovich, playing the semi-antagonistic Unferth, is about what you’d expect from John Malkovich — truly affecting in some scenes and bizarrely off-putting in others. Brendan Gleeson (Gangs of New York, the last couple of Harry Potter films) doesn’t have a hell of a lot to do with his character Wiglaf (Beowulf’s sidekick), but is effective in the way Gimli plays in the Lord of the Rings movies.

The action comes at a good meter… and if there’s none to be had, there’s some tension afoot. The violence isn’t horrendous (the film was rated PG-13), but it inspires in moments both awe and revulsion. Frankly, I think they could have gone for the jugular and turned it up a notch or two. But R ratings don’t make the big bucks; at least, not when a PG-13 rating is just a few strategic cuts away and will amount scores of millions in box office revenue.

This version of Beowulf is largely a rollicking fantasy slugfest, adorned with small but gleaming thematics. I see little point in seeing it outside of a 3D setting, if available in your local jurisdiction. Just kick back and look around at the manufactured world on the screen. There’s lots of fun stuff to see. It’s worth noting, however, that if you generally don’t enjoy this kind of thing, Beowulf probably won’t change your mind.

Is it the future of the cinema experience? No. But it’s a future aspect, undoubtedly.